


forever young

by technicolorskies



Series: death doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Roleplay (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other, Post-Exile Arc on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Songfic, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, tommy straight up talks to tubbo in his dream??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicolorskies/pseuds/technicolorskies
Summary: "in your memories." tommy will live on in the memories of the dreams and adventures they shared, the youthful laughter and joy they shared forever embedded in tubbo's heart, a reminder of the beautiful friendship they shared.or,tubbo finally moves on to acceptance.
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: death doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190720
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	forever young

**Author's Note:**

> more pain juice expect this time it's less "slamming head into pillow and yelling at 2am pain" and more "im reading this on the train and it's sad im about to cry pain" (is there even a difference????)  
> the song is eight by iu and suga

_everything comes as they please and leaves without waving goodbye_

this wasn’t fair. 

didn’t tubbo and tommy defeat dream? couldn’t they finally get their happy ending after all this time?

tubbo wasn’t prepared to lose tommy. he didn’t think he’d lose tommy.

alas, the universe does not change the way it works for the grief of someone, and tommy is gone, all the same.

they didn’t even get to say goodbye. _(for a split second, tubbo wishes he had died in pandora’s vault to dream instead. at least they had said their goodbyes. at least they had been prepared to lose then.)_

_i don’t want to love anyone if things go like this_

wilbur, the brother figure tubbo had looked up to and adored, lost to madness and dying by his own father’s hand.

tommy, tubbo’s best friend, gone to a manipulative villain they had defeated and yet still got his revenge. 

how many more would tubbo lose? 

everyone he loved, dying and going. 

sometimes he wished to join them.

_i travel through memories that have become old and worn out_

tubbo travels through their memories together at night. the faded adventures they had together, now tinted with the passing of time. 

founding l'manberg with wilbur.

winning their independence. 

stealing moments of peace during pogtopia still, sneaking out onto the bench and watching the sunset. 

maybe tubbo will dream of tommy, if he's lucky.

_we dance together under the orange sun_

_together with no shadow between us_

tubbo does see tommy.

he knows it's a dream, and he can't decide whether that makes it hurt more or less. 

the sun shines in a vibrant shade of tangerine as tubbo sprints across to tommy, enveloping him in a crashing hug, warm tears staining his shirt. 

"tubbo." tommy’s voice is soft, so unlike his usual one. "you know i'm not gonna be here when you wake up." 

"i- i know." tubbo grasps onto tommy's hand tightly, afraid he'll vanish and disappear if he lets go. 

_let’s meet at the memory that was once beautiful_

"hey, it's alright." 

"i'm still gonna be in here, y'know." tommy taps tubbo's chest gently. 

"in my heart?"

"in your memories." tommy will live on in the memories of the dreams and adventures they shared, the youthful laughter and joy they shared forever embedded in tubbo's heart, a reminder of the beautiful friendship they shared. 

_forever young._

"don’t miss me too much, okay?." tommy wraps the shorter boy in a hug." 

"i- i know- but-" tubbo lets out another wrangled sob. "you’re not gonna- gonna be there."

“yeah.” 

“but like i said, tubbo. you still have the memories we shared, yeah? i-if you ever miss me too much, just think about the adventures we shared.”

"i'll be waiting for you when the time comes. here. i promise."

_if i’m in this kind of nightmare, i promise i won't wake up ever again_

tommy's fading. the scene he's standing in, his surroundings are swirling and fading into greys and whites, being pulled back into the fuzzy depths of his mind. 

he's waking up. 

"don't go." tubbo tries desperately to clutch at the dream, but the threads are already slipping from his fingers, the constructed scenery of the dream fading away into reality.

"it's alright." tommy waves goodbye, the smile on his lips bittersweet. "love you, big t."

"l-love you too-" tubbo can barely choke out the words. 

and then he wakes up, the feeling of the sheets rubbing against his knees so unbearably real, the cold morning air fresh and harsh. 

_island, yeah, this is an island, a small island we made together_

tubbo goes to the hilltop with the bench in the morning.

the sun is still rising, the sky painted streaks of faint pink and yellow as a backdrop for the wisps of clouds dotting the sky.

sunlight spills over the wooden bench and the jukebox next to it, casting a yellow glow over the grass. 

tubbo places dandelions down on the bench gently. (tommy's favourite flower ---- he said they reminded him of wilbur. tubbo supposes they can be reunited now. he doesn't know how that thought makes him feel.)

the soft yellow color of the flowers are accentuated by the golden shine of the rising sun. a sweet scent floats from the blossoms, drifting through the cold of the morning air ----- mixing with it in a bittersweetness.

_forever young, the word eternity is like a sandcastle._

sitting, tubbo reminisces. he hums the tune of cat, the sweet melody floating through his mind and spilling out so naturally.

the dozens of times he’d sat here with tommy listening to the music discs, watching the sunset light everything up in a bright rosy hue as they laughed together, still so young and carefree despite the fighting.

after winning l’manberg’s independence.

throughout the pogtopia war.

after defeating dream. 

“all good things must come to an end.” wasn't that what he had said to tommy in dream’s vault?

their friendship couldn’t have lasted forever, couldn’t it? it had to come to an end.

tubbo just wished it wasn’t so soon.

_saying goodbye is like a disaster alert_

tubbo still remembered what he had felt when sam had first told him, the warden’s hands shaky and eyes tear-filled.

the feeling of the world crashing down around him, the pure disbelief and desperation and anger all at once, a swirling mess of emotions consuming him.

like the world had ended. _(wasn’t tommy his world?)_

he’d stumbled back to snowchester and collapsed, shaking and shaking with choked sobs.

the feeling of overwhelming disaster, was the overriding emotion felt.

what was he going to do without tommy? not once, had he imagined that he could go on without his best friend in his life, the spark of energy that tommy was, lighting everything up.

but tommy was gone anyways.

and so his world had crashed down around him.

_i miss you when the morning comes_

worlds don’t stay crashed down and destroyed forever. they are rebuilt, slowly.

that doesn’t mean the traces of destruction are gone.

tubbo felt a different kind of grief, now.

not the soul-wrenching pain he had felt at first, but a more peaceful kind of hurt.

it’s underlying, a soft, steady ache. a calm, accepted kind of sadness that’s still there, but tranquil. delicate.

like rain on a still morning. cold bitter wind at midnight.

he feels like glass on the verge of shattering, fragile and hurting in a still, silent, way. like if anything pushed him over the edge, he’d collapse and break.

tubbo picks out the the petals of the single flower he's holding, letting the small, silky petals fall onto the grass below him.

_let’s both pass this aeon_

_we’ll surely meet on this island once more_

“i’ll be waiting for you.” that’s what tommy had said, right? they’d meet again.

but tubbo didn’t want to wait. he wanted tommy here with him, _now,_ here and real and warm. he wanted to laugh with him, to live with him.

‘i- can’t-” tubbo stutters out to no one.

 _“yes, you can.”_ tommy’s ghostly voice floats through the wind, traces of his loud, bright voice seemingly laced within the morning breeze.

_“remember what i said?”_

“you’re- you’re gonna be in my memories.”

_“yeah.”_

_“i’ll meet you. in your memories. i know it hurts, tubbo.”_

_“ju- just remember.”_ _  
_

“al- alright.” pearly drops of tears are trickling from his eyes once again.

tubbo wipes them away.

“lo-love you tommy.”

no response.

but later, when the wind is blowing gently and _just_ right, tubbo thinks he hears a faint voice in the air.

_”love you too.”_

_like a passerby who comforted and told me once said_

_it isn’t that easy to forget a memory worth a lifespan_

ranboo sits with tubbo in snowchester. 

rain falls lightly outside, small droplets of crystal rain spilling down the side of the window slowly.

tubbo sips from a warm cup of tea slowly.

“ranboo?”

“yeah?” 

“what if i forget about tommy?”

“w-what if i forget his voice, his mannerisms. what if i forget what he looks like, what he likes, h-how he was-”

“what if i forget our memories together?” tubbo’s voice is shaky, and his hands jerk, drops of his tea spilling onto the table, glistening reddish-brown in the bluish-grey light of the afternoon.

tubbo had told ranboo about his dream.

what tommy told him.

“tubbo.” 

“listen y-you don’t forget things that are truly important to you. you don’t forget precious memories. you don’t forget love. trust me, i know.”

“tommy means so much to you. some memories, they fade over time, eroding from the passing years that dull them.”

“tommy won’t.”

_even as time passes_

_i’m still held back in the place where_

time passes.

the season shifts from winter to spring, and like the world thawing, the layers of snow and ice melting away to reveal the bright green grass that sprout out, teeming with life, tubbo heals.

not completely, but better.

there are still days where he lies in bed, watching the sun shift across the sky as his heart aches, and finds himself wandering back to those memories of carefree times, the thoughts of tommy often hurting more than they helped.

there are still days where he finds tears trickling down his face, the warbling grief swirling around him as he cried.

but there are also days where he laughs.

days where he’ll sit at the bench and watch the sunset with a smile gracing his lips as he reminisces, the memories tainted with. bittersweet taste and yet still so beautiful.

the space next to him always feels strangely empty. he doesn’t think the hollow feeling will ever go away, but maybe that’s okay.

_we dance under the orange sun_

_together with no shadow below us_

_no separation was meant to be_

_let’s meet at the memory that was once beautiful_

tubbo doesn’t think he'll ever truly move on, and that's okay.

he'll always treasure the memories of them together, the beautiful memoriam of their friendship that live on forever in tubbo's heart. 

and when he misses tommy, tubbo knows that he'll be waiting for him. 

and he knows that as long as he remembers, tommy will always be there, in his heart, in his memories,

_forever young._

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this is a bit of a mess but i tried to keep it revolving around one idea best as i could  
> did tommy *actually* speak to tubbo or was that just tubbos brain? you decide  
> songs i listened to writing this :  
> pretender --- official髭男dism  
> let the wind tell you - kurattes


End file.
